OMG, Robert, what even are you?
RDJ: *accidentally admits there is a secret scene after the credits*
Interviewer: So it is after the credits!
RDJ: I don't know. You're repeating yourself.
Interviewer: I thought I was repeating you.
RDJ: I thought you were talking to yourself and I was reading your mind.
Interviewer: I don't know what's happening.
Here's a life pro tip for you:
Never slice a hole in the bottom of your foot the day before you have to go to work at a job that requires you to be on your feet a lot.
Colbert on Obamacare and the Broccoli Argument
Hipcatcoolcap's adorable little girl talks to her...
C: What are those for?
Oma: To make my legs look nice.
Oma: Yes, I suppose so.
C: What are ya gonna do about the rest of you?
I don't need a shrine in my closet, I have Tumblr.
gofuckyourselftomhiddleston: scheherazodd: jaygirl: So has anyone else noticed that all of us Hiddles fans have turned into Helga from Hey Arnold or OH GOD. IT’S TRUE. I DON’T HAVE SHRINE IN MY CLOSET. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. YEAH, I SEE YOU SITTING THERE, JUDGING ME.
Me perusing Tumblr on my iPod: Oooh I want to email this picture to my dad later, he'd love it! I'll just like it so I can find it later under my likes when I'm on my computer.
Me later: Where the fuck is it?? Why the hell do I like so many things?
doctor: so how long would you say you're on the computer for?
me: about 7 hours
doctor: a week?
me: ya let's go with that
becauseavengers: sometimes tom’s facebook pictures that were put up by that bitch a few weeks ago make it back onto my dash because people don’t know that’s where they came from and i cringe inside and fight the urge to tell everyone who reblogs it to delete it Please do tell me if I inadvertently do this. I haven’t (to my knowledge) seen the Facebook pictures so I wouldn’t know...
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things that escape those who dream...– Edgar Allan Poe
Overheard some employees talking about how it’s difficult to jump into a...– TechnoShaman
When I'm tired
I think of the weirdest things. Today, exhausted from my night shift, I was vaguely worrying about having gained some weight. To make myself feel better, my sleep deprived brain immediately goes, “THAT’S OKAY, THOR IS THE GOD OF THUNDER THIGHS!”
I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take...– Curious Georgiana (via grrrlstudies) I know I’ve reblogged this before, but it bears re-reblogging (?). This is how you respond to abuse, this is how you give people control over their bodies/uteruses, this is how you act as a generally non-judgmental and compassionate person. I love this story...
I feel your pain.
darrenstummy: YOU’RE ALL JUST SO FUCKING TALENTED WITH YOUR WRITING AND YOUR DRAWING AND PHOTOSHOP SHIT AND THEN THERE’S ME AND I TRIPPED UP THE STAIRS THIS MORNING
THE AVENGERS SUMMARY: PART 1
Nick Fury: We have this unstable thing called the Baccarat or whatever and you can tell it has unlimited energy because it GLOWS
Loki: Hey guys I'm back did you miss me
Hawkeye: I did a little
Loki: K let's see what this spear or whatever does
Spear or whatever: BAZAM MOTHERFUCKERS
Loki: Right I'll be taking your Baccarat your scientist guy and your sexiest agent
Nick Fury: Hey so we need to do that Avenger thing now
Agent Coulson: That might take a really long time
Nick Fury: Whatever do it in montage
Bruce Banner: I'm the cuddliest version of the Hulk
Capt. Amuricur: Check out my sweet ass
Black Widow: Check out my boobs they're the only one's you'll see in this movie
Iron Man: When I made that suit I had no idea it would eventually be a cockblock
Hawkeye: I'm evil rn bbl
Thor: I'm in Asgard atm
Agent Coulson: Hey Captain so I may have caressed you while you were chillin' in a chunk of ice also I designed a costume for you do you want to be friends can I take a picture with you can I touch your abs seriously just lift your shirt for a second so I can touch them
Loki: I don't always dress like a human to be inconspicuous but when I do I immediately attack a German official in the middle of a party
Capt. Amuricur: We interrupt this program to bring you AMERICA
Iron Man: Sup Captain
LATER, IN A PLANE
Loki: Thor technically brohug doesn't apply because we're not even related
Thor: You'll always be my brother, Loki-chan. Now allow me to look deep into your eyes and invade your intimate personal space with my beard
Iron Man: IRON GLOMP
Thor: You wanna go motherfucker let's break the forest
Smokey the Bear: But Thor only you can prevent forest fires
Capt. Amuricur: GUYS STAWP IT
BACK AT THE FLOATING CASTLE LEGION OF DOOM
Bruce Banner: Sup
Iron Man: Hey I just met you and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe
Everyone: Shit now what the fuck do we ship
AFTER MUCH BANTER
Capt. Amuricur: What the fuck you're making nukes you nuke-makers
Bruce Banner: I am slightly ticked off
Iron Man: I think you should hulk out
Capt. Amuricur: Shut up tony or I'll invade your personal space
Iron Man: Not if I invade yours first
Capt. Amuricur: I am gonna fight you so hard later
Iron Man: You smell like justice
Hawkeye: Still evil here
Bruce Banner: It's not easy being green
Loki: I am escaping from my cage now
Thor: BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhug oh shit
Iron Man: Fixing things with science
Capt. Amuricur: Assisting with ab-power
Hawkeye: Fucking shit up with Arrows
Agent Coulson: Hey I'm about to be badass I hope Loki doesn't take me from behind teehee oh shit
Loki: I take people no other way
Loki: Lates Onee-san
Nick Fury: No Agent you can't die I don't know how to fill out paperwork
Agent Coulson: Tell Captain America.... I wrote.... twilight fanfiction.... about us.... shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Agent Coulson: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Agent Coulson: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
Everyone: He was a good man. He was a good agent. And The Avengers couldn't have existed without his sacrifice.
Everyone: Also GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
There’s nothing better than an old lady that is just like: I’m nearly dead, let...– Russell Howard. (via jumpingcloudswithpeterpan) Me and daniekat5 in 50 years.